Team Rocket Comedy Quotes
by samjax
Summary: Just a collection of Team Rockets lines and quotes that I happen to find funny and I hope you will too. When it comes to being funny Team Rocket rules. So get comfortable and get ready to laugh. They crack me up and this is also my first Pokemon fanfic. Features other characters as well.
1. Chapter 1

"If you were any softer you would a melted all over the ground" (Meowth to James)

"I'd sell my soul to rest my souls" (James)

"I'm going to win this contest what kind of stupid question is that?!" (Jessie)

"If we get him we'll have a brat and a rat" (James)

"Nothing like digging a hole when you want to play dirty" (James)

"Meowth abandoned us it's a Tentacruel world" (James)

"Be quiet or I'll knock the cholesterol out of you" (Jessie to an Exeggcute)

"This fog's as thick as pea soup"(James) "Without the little chunks of ham" (Meowth)

"Maybe they're aliens from another planet" (James) "What planet are you from?" (Jessie)

"The only balance we care about is the balance of our checking account" (Jessie)

"Your eating all of our profit you yellow bellied sap sucker" (James)

"That Bulbaser could stop our Pincer by putting the petal to the metal" (Meowth)

"You find those stones right now or I'll pack you up in that trunk you punk" (Jessie to Donphan)

"Isn't that cute Jessie Donphans enjoying it's shrub grub" (James)

"I know your nose knows where it is" (Jessie to Donphan)

"We're gonna squash that squirt"(Jessie) "and mug that bug" (James)

""We've been hanging around these woods so long I'm starting to feel like a pinecone" (Meowth)

"We've got to eat something soon"(Jessie) "I don't even remember what food tastes like" (James)

"We got clipped and ripped" (Jessie)"Our balloon burst too soon" (James)

"What are the chances of us stealing the Charizard that just beat the Charizard that always beats us?" (Jessie)

"They're not going to fall for a Meowth posing as a posie" (Meowth)

"I think that short circuit is going to send us on a long trip" (Meowth)

"Team Rocket!" (Misty) "Who'd ya expect the Wizard of Oz?" (Meowth)

"We'll teach you you little Techno geek" (James)"Arbok Likitung clean out his hard drive" (Jessie)

"If we could steal an Aerodactyl we'd be stealing air" (James)

"Wow that's a real super Whooper" (Meowth)

"I wish that were more than 1 bite"(Meowth) "That wasn't enough to fill a cavity" (James)

"We've got late fees on our late fees" (James)

"Wobbuffet" (Wobbuffet)"I said psychic not psychotic" (Jessie)

"Don't you know we're all Wobbuffetantoleriant get back in your poke ball cheese ball" (Jessie to Wobbuffet)

"Who does that twerpish sweet talker think she is with that gob of good day gobbledygook?" (Jessie)

"I told you to lay off the E-G-G-S how could you be so insensitive you Numbskull?!" (Meowth to James)

"Those 2 twerps beat the pants off of us and I don't even wear pants" (Meowth after being beaten)

"A normal whack-O would've stayed with love triangle but not Miss Windbag" (Meowth insulting Jessie because of a love triangle)

"So your Team Missile?" (Barry) "That's Team Rocket lug nut!" (Meowth)

"Masters? I'm twice as smart then those 2 watt lightbulbs your calling masters" (Meowth to Ekins and Koffing)

"We got those 2 bolted up" (Meowth) "Lock and stock just like a little lightening bug" (James)

"Step aside you insolent little fire bug" (James)

"Can't you hurry?" (Meowth) "Can't you shut your trap?!" (James)

"You'll never guess what I found?" (James) "What your brain?" (Jessie)

"The sheikest thing in her closet is probably bulletproof" (James)

"So what I live for today?!" (James) "If you don't give me that chocolate you may not be living tomorrow!" (Jessie)

"So much for our in depth report" (James) "We ain't got enough depth to fill a kiddie pool" (Meowth)

"Oh is that so magic boy come back here and I'll make your teeth disappear I'm sure a lot of viewers would like to see that!" (Jessie)

"We'll be as quiet as little church mice" (James)

"Let's catch and sell that pencil neck" (Jessie)

"Asking us to behave is like asking a baby not to cry" (Jessie)

"Leasure land is a land of unlimited leisure which means a smorgasbord of leisure which means you can get anything that you want to eat which must mean I need something to eat right now!" (James)

"Please if you think you can stop a girl ninja prodigy like me your outta your mind arts" (Jessie) "Hey Brock?" (Ash) "Your not going deaf I heard her too." (Brock)

"Well if it's giving this yo-yo a headache then I'm in" (Meowth)

"James get Meowth outta there!" (Jessie) "With what a spoon?!" (James)

"No get back in there" (Jessie) "Are you nuts I'll get used for target practice!" (Meowth) "Which will be a cakewalk compared to what I'll do to you!" (Jessie)

"Harleys cacturn blew us so far away we couldn't even book a return flight" (Jessie)

"Keep quacking and your gums'll get cold" (Meowth)

"There's nothing more demoralizing than getting your clock completely cleaned out by a twerp who can outtwerp the twerps" (James)

"Your plans won't buy me a cup of coffee" (Giovanni)

"I haven't eaten in so long my mouth is thinking of going on strike" (Meowth)

"Feeling like this I couldn't catch a cold" (Meowth)

"Bonsly let's go!" (Brock) "You can't stop us with that walking bowling pin" (Jessie)

"We call this machine our you really can take it with ya can't cha mark 93" (Meowth)

"When we get to the next little hamlet let's have a great big ham omelet" (James)

"This has to stop we're acting like a bunch of pinkslip .com slackers" (Jessie)

"I'll be back in 3 shakes of a chocolate shake" (James)

"I wonder if they feel clone some" (Meowth)

"I thought this would be a fun tea party not a dull tea ceremony" (Jessie) "I've had more fun at dental appointments" (James)

"James Meowth we've hit the snack pot" (Jessie)

"Stealing Eevee is easy" (James)

"I drank enough soda pop to float an aircraft carrier!" (James)

"You good for nothing bottle cap snatching pile of feathers your going to pay!" (James) He's lost what little mind he has" (Jessie)

"Buzz of you crummy crows you're in our way!" (Jessie)

"Well James we've literally and metaphorically hit rock bottom" (Jessie) "We're even lower than a Bulbasaur's bellybutton" (James)

"With my charm and good looks I could sell butter to a Butterfree" (Jessie)

"Fresh hot corn on a stick" (Jessie) "The corns great and the stick's not half bad either" (James)

"Now how in the world do you hide a battlefield?"(Jessie) "There's enough square footage in the place to hide a strip mall" (James) "Take the energy from your mouth and put it in your feet and we'll find the battlefield in no time" (Meowth)

"Perhaps another 1 of Jessie's dilutions?" (James) "Nah she's sick it's called contest queenitis" (Meowth)

"I think mixing you 2 is like mixing gasoline with a match" (James to Jessie after Jessie asked him for his carnivine)

"I told you to keep your trap shut about those traps!" (Jessie)

"Got cha now you little gluten" (James)

"All right let's go and find the perfect Pokemon for my style" (Jessie) "Pack your bags we're going to the moon" (Meowth) "Excuse me?!" (Jessie)

"How dare you treat us this way do you have any idea who your talking to you old coot?! (Jessie)

"Maybe they use marble because it's marbleous" (Meowth)

"I thought we were wearing these outfits to a Mongolian barbecue" (Meowth)

"Sorry but this Tentacruel has more legs then chorus line and we get a kick out of every single one" (Jessie)

"We recycle our motto all the time but this trash talks a complete waste" (Meowth)

"You didn't like the trashcan plan?" (James) "Yeah it's still stinkin" (Meowth)

"Cruel twist of fait thousands are inside rooting for Ash while Team Rocket's outside routing through trash" (James)

"I swallowed 5 gallons of seawater and 3 Goldeen" (Meowth)

"Inside there's a battle going on while out here you can hear paint dry" (James)

"Should we be worried about that little gum ball? (Jessie)

"That little piece of bubblegum won't quit Arbok chew it up and spit it out" (Jessie)

"Not me you putrid plant them!" (James to Carnivine)

"Now it's out with the minimum effort profit plan and now in with the slightly more work than before but still pretty good plan" (Jessie)

"We're up to our nasty necks in knickknacks" (James)

"This thing needs more air then an Aerodactyl" (James)

"You couldn't carry a tune in a bucket" (Meowth to Jessie)

"We nearly drowned in that stink in sewer thanks to your ridiculous plan!" (Jessie) "Meowth you nearly killed us you dimwit" (James)

"OK Pikachu says why ya doing this? Then Weavile says I don't have to listen to a little piece of yellow junk like you" (Meowth) "And then?" (Jessie) "Then zip those 2 were speaking faster than a freight train" (Meowth)

"Go ahead Arbok go beat that little skelatwerp" (Jessie)

"I've got a Dodrio,a Raticaide,and a Venomoth" (Pokemon Trainer) "Oh great a 3 headed bird,an overgrown rat and bugzilla" (Jessie)

"We're finally on the balance" (James) "I feel seasick" (Jessie) "Don't you mean blimp sick?" (Meowth)

"I don't care if your the orange crew or the grapefruit league" (Jessie)

"Why can't you teach that Victreebel to battle it looked like a punching bag out there!" (Meowth to James)

"Pikachu's sick" (James confusing Bell sprout for Pikachu) "That's not Pikachu!" (Jessie)

"Meowth translation please" (Jessie) "I don't speak electricity" (Meowth)

"Well that's about as clear as mud" (James)

"I don't care if your a G man treeman, or a he man your soon to be an X man" (Jessie)

"We've got more ices to choose from than a slurpee stand" (James)

"I told you I could probably read tea leaves easier then this" (Jessie)

"Don't stick your tounge out at me ya crumby crustatian I know how to clam you up" (Meowth to a Shellder)

"My poles as empty as I am" (Meowth)

"Give it up your poem went over like a lead balloon" (James)

"This has to be the worst acting I've ever seen your selling oranges not ham" (Jessie)

"Move it before we turn you into green sauce"(Jessie)

"Attack them not us you dimwitted dogs"(Jessie)

"I didn't say brain you potted pinhead I said rain!" (James to Carnivine)

* * *

**What do you think pretty funny hun? I love Team Rocket they're my favorite.I've seen almost every episode of Pokemon. This is it for now until I find more. Read and review. **

**Team Rocket 4 ever! ^_^ **


	2. Chapter 2

"Those Combee look mad!" (Meowth) "Perhaps they don't dig our digging?" (James)

"What do you space cadets think this is the Hokey Pokey?!" (Meowth to Siviper and Cacnea)

"Since we started sticking to you twerps like glue things are really starting buzzing around the Team Rocket hive" (Meowth)

'You twerps will never amount to a hill of beans because you have beans for brains" (James)

"Keep chewing on my head and your going to give yourself a hairball!" (James to Cacnia and Carnivine)

"Lets move it or there won't be enough honey left for a cup of tea" (Meowth)

"Please you think an egg is going to make us richer than the legendary Sinnoh superstar Pokemon?" (Jessie)

"Here's Mr. Stone it's the stoniest" (Jessie to Happiny)

"Hold it queball" (Meowth the Happiny)

"Every time we turn around we get burned" (Jessie) "Will you stop with the fire jokes?!" (James)

"Lost and starving" (James) "Perhaps there's 1 of those all you can eat for free restaurants around here" (Jessie) "Excuse me we're talking real world" (Meowth)

"What about the Pokemon behind them with a head ring?" (James to Rayquaza) "That thing ate too many beets!" (Meowth to Rayquaza)

"I'd rather go and watch paint dry" (Jessie)

"Its that kind of imitation they invented lawsuits for!" (Jessie yelling at Ash and his friends for imitating them)

"I'm not going to be treated like a piece of garbage" (Jessie) "You're a little late" (Meowth)

"Cheap seats for cheapskates" (Meowth)

"Not only has my handywork been blown to smitherines,but now I won't be able to eat for a year" (James) "That should help your fat head" (Jessie)

"Another twerp hothead" (Jessie) "That dip in the lake sure didn't cool you off but we will!" (James)

"You're supposed to serve me too but not as a main coruse" (James to Carnivine)

"My red hot performance will burn holes through their bulging billbolds!" (Jessie) "Its a maid cafe not a fire sell" (James)

"I've even got the coffee" (Jessie) "That was going to save me from a caffine headache" (James)

"Wait come back" (Meowth) "Your such gifted conversationalists" (James)

"I am not a cream-sicile you know" (James to Carnavine)

"Twerps they're like a cold that won't go away" (Jessie)

"Move your juvinile keesters to another spot" (Meowth)

"We've been doing more digging then music lovers at a rock concert" (Meowth)

"Back breaking work something you squirts don't know squat about" (Meowth)

"You've got some nerdy nerve" (Jessie) "Loony toonists! (Meowth)

"We'll beat you goons long as we've got balloons" (Meowth)

"How do you dig a trap when the traps trying to trap us?" (James)

"Your wobbling the wrong way tub head!" (Meowth to 1 of therir machines)

"It's the goody twerp shoes" (Meowth)

"So the twerps have teamed up again with that hogyhiopatia" (Jessie) "It's Hippopatas ya melonhead" (Meowth)

"Just wait until the next time Cassidy and I cross paths I'm going to dig her a 1 way pit trap to punkville" (Jessie)

"When I get my hands on that jerk Jessie I'll make multch out of her!" (Cassidy)

"What a twerpette challenge?" (Jessie) "Wow what shifted her gear?" (James) "I thought she was a contest creature" (Meowth)

"That Drain Punch Meditite managed packed a crunch of a punch" (James)

"The way I go about picking doors I'd never make it on a game show" (Meowth)

"Come on back no back talk" (Jessie)

"I'm in such shabby shape my charm hurts" (Meowth)

"Have you 2 forgotten that Team Rocket's middle name is pride?" (Jessie)

"They stole team" (Jessie talking about Team Galactic) "Rip offs in nice clothes" (James talking about Team Galactic)

"That singing voice sounds just like you" (Jessie to James after to listening to 1 of their machines)

"Thanks a lot for your Hyperpootus" (Jessie) "It's Hip-po-tas ya halfwit" (Meowth)

"We've got the driest sand on sea or land" (Jessie)

"Didn't your parents teach you not to break other people's property?" (James) "Get it in gear Meowth or I'll have to break you!" (Jessie)

"This net takes any psychic move you twerps can dish out and eats it for lunch" (Meowth)

"Twerps do know how to reek havoc on my blood pressure" (James) "Hey cut the clap trap" (Meowth)

"Your're the apple of the fan based eyes" (James to Jessie)

"The red headed twerp rocks" (Meowth) "Certainly 1 for the contest record books" (James) "Please 1 for the cheese books" (Jessie)

"I could drink the air" (Jessie)

"Would you get your haunches out of my hair?!" (Jessie to Yanma)

"Those twerps are so deep in battle mode right now they'd just turn us into a teurin of Team Rocket souflee with cheese" (Meowth)

"If that goofy Gligar hadn't blown out our balloon we wouldn't have been flying around backwards like dopes" (Meowth) "Next time Gligar gets a knuckle sand which" (Jessie)

"Jess we slaving out here in the sludge so James can get his reunion ya ya's out?" (Meowth)

"Of all the Croagunk in the world you're the Croagunkist" (James to Meowth after dressing him up like a Croagunk)

"I'll turn the tables on her so fast her head will spin!" (Jessie to Pokemon hunter Jay)

"I've heard about these little books I've been meaning to shoplift 1" (Jessie talking about a Pokemon fourtune telling book)

"Yup that's me a cuddly adorable Eevee" (Jessie) "Jess sure don't seem like an Eevee" (Meowth) "More like an evil" (James)

"Hey Jess look up what type of Pokemon personality type matches me" (Meowth) "You little fur brain you are a Pokemon" (Jessie)

"That outfit where'd he get it?" (Meowth after seeing James in Moltress costume) "I think that costume came right out of his closet" (Jessie)

"But Jess don't you remember how much we owe them already?" (James) "I owe'em all 9 lives" (Meowth)

"If we were any farther away we'd have to build out own airport"(Jessie)

"Infernape show that bucket of volts who's boss" (Meowth to Infernape)

"Get to work nail those noses to the grindstone" (Meowth yelling at Jessie and James)

"Fragmatic if that gorging little gorbadizer got its pudgy little paws on our poultry provisions we'd be eaten out of house and home in a Heart home heartbeat" (James talking about Swinub)

"Get that vacuum cleaner of a mouth off of my food!" (Jessie yelling at Meowth and James to get Swinub off of her food)

"Wow canned food with 8 layers of cans" (Jessie) "There's nothing modest about a towering pile of tin" (Meowth) "Quick eat before we pass the experation date!" (James)

"Aaaaahhhhhh! Those twerps totalled the trap!" (James)

"Get a load of an X scissor with some real sic" (Meowth)

"Will you quit degresing?" (James) "Shut you mush melon Meowth and help!" (Jessie)

"I still say I should have been the big winner" (Jessie) "With your makeup you were the big Weiner" (James) "What was that?!" (Jessie)

"Wanna know what I think? I think your're going to regret thinking!" (Jessie)

"That thing is so ugly it hurts my eyes I need a Pokemon that matches my beauty not insults it" (Jessie talking about a Relicanth)

"Enough being persud Siviper take care of that fruitcake with Poison Tail" (Jessie)

"There's nothing more co confidential than a cave setting than clap trap" (Jessie)

"Siviper make sure you pin those pinheads" (Jessie)

"Jessilina team dream with skin like peaches and cream" (Jessie)

"If I was any happier my mouth would explode" (Meowth)

I'm a stickler when it comes to paying attention to pain!" (Jessie)

"Well I hate to break this to ya but while we were slacking off at that summer school we were packing on more LB's than a bowl of alphabet soup" (Meowth) (lbs.= pounds)

"No sign there" (James) "Not a trace of twerps" (Meowth) "Time for plan B Hey Pikachu and pipsqueak send up a twerp flare. There" (Jessie) "Now if you were the twerps" (James) "Would you return that call?" (Meowth) "Try saying something I don't know!" (Jessie)

"I'm chipped out of my ever loving tummy Pokemon will plop into what's left of my lap" (Jessie after eating chips)

"Staravia couldn't have flown far the way James did the bazooka Bonk" (Meowth) "Zip it or I'll Bonk you!" (Jessie) "That weapon could pick a pea off a Psyducks back at 500 yards" (James)

"I feel like a bubblegum popscicle" (Jessie)

"You dopes make 1 wrong move and there'll be lustrus linguine all over this lobby" (Meowth)

"The nerve of the insult of being used by sharp dressers" (James to Team Galactic) "With weird haircuts" (Jessie to Team Galactic)

"This scene reeks of twerps" (Meowth) "But that could mean" (Jessie) "We're under the Pikachu protection plan" (James)

"1 wrong move and this lustrus treasure turns into lunch" (Jessie) "And I seriously doubt lustrous lasagna is gonna do you yo-yo's any good" (Meowth)

"That ungreatful Team Galactic nobody treats me like bilge water and gets away with it" (Jessie insulting Team Galactic)

"Those twerps are like an itch you can't scratch" (Meowth)

"I can see neither high nor scorp" (Jessie)

"your reunion is making me sick!" (Jessie)

"Knock it off that's Angie's Licki Licki not yours" (Ash) "You need an eye exam it's plain as the ugly on your face this is the scarf monster!" (Jessie)

"That's just the standered issue Licki Licki just like the twerp said" (James) "I don't care if it's a 1 eyed purple people eater just catch it!" (Jessie) "Yes dear" (James)

"Dig it dimwits handover that tounge mister or I'll convert you into twerps under glass!" (Meowth)

"You can catch a Pokemon with honey much better than with stupid jokes" (Meowth)

"Just like the goody goody Pokemon to band together and blow us apart I gotta say they sure did a bang up job though" (Meowth) "Will you cut the cutos and get us cranking?!" (Jessie) "Stop being a buffoon and blow us up another balloon!" (James)


End file.
